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I must say it would be difficult for me to disagree more.murdering is not a bad thing, either.
I must say it would be difficult for me to disagree more.murdering is not a bad thing, either.
can I ask what path you follow?
ive always thought that suicide leaves a stain in the world, it seems that it should also stain one's soul to a degree as well.
as someone who's health with allot of that kinda thing in my life ive thought about this allot.
There is nothing noble in ending a life to end suffering. It's like nuking a city to kill a rabid dog.Suicides are prone to fixate on the ended life and their ended suffering, lingering upon the Earth where they no longer have a place, instead of embarking on the journey to the lands of their Ancestors and eventual rebirth. Medicine Way holds suicide as undesirable thereby
I was jw what would lead to su much contact with the dead but no worries if you dont want tk share.I walk a few different spiritual paths. The only real “stain” I would think of when someone dies by suicide especially when it happens out of a lot of despair is energetic. When a person passes like that, they leave behind a heavy concentration of negativity in their home. That will attract negative entities.
Of course, I wrote this in general for anyone that considers it, not anyone in particular or the original poster.I was close to death once. It was... a horrifying experience, to say this for sure. From what happened to me. I would say, this much, the spirit clearly suffers, a lot, as for the suffering and how much and how long it lasts... I don't know, I did not die as you can see.
But I will say this much, it got colder and colder and colder and it did not end...for me and it felt... horrible. My advice, don't advise anyone for it. It is easier and more pleasant to work to improve your life, than end it, I say it from experience.
If death is so much suffering, the suicide, which is basically willed death, is beyond suffering, for it hurts far less when you get hurt by accident, than when you do it yourself, look in your life, you will recognize this.
As for what happens to the soul. My honest assumption, is that the soul will fight until the end, until the part of you that wants to die is either removed or subdued, usually subdued.
As for me, I was dying and resgined to let myself die and my mind subdued me with great terrors and put me in a half living half dreaming state that felt real and was full of terror and pain until I got my ass to fight for it, not against it.
I learned my lesson. My suggestion, work on your life, it is easier than suicide, work on your mental health and seek some spirituality that gets you closer to God, for I tell you, to those that want to attempt this, God loves you, even ugly, even infirm, even as you are, God still loves you and God is not your tormentor, I know it is hard to believe, even I did not believe it back then.
Don't fight against yourself a losing battle that only prolongs your suffering, instead fight with yourself for you to get out of the suffering that got you there in the first place.
Most approach suicide and think it is the easy way out and make it sound so. In my experience, it isn't. I was in deep pain and wanted to die, but the terror was so great I myself was put in a state of fighting until the end no matter what.
The soul is not independent from the body in my opnion, at least not until death. If something the soul depended on your entire life is suddenly cut out, by you nonetheless, immediately, you will get some serious withdrawal syndromes. It is better to let it take course naturally and slowly so your soul can bear the withdrawal better, live a good life, strengthen your soul and look forward to hope, your time to shine will come.
Maybe this life can't do you any good and you have no hope of achieving any one of your dreams here, maybe there is a next life, maybe there isn't. I can't know for sure. But what I do know is that it is easier to believe in a next life and false hope and live your current life with grace and in a healthy way, than to try to take the shortcut and realize that it is actually far, far harder.
I personally believe in an after life. I don't think God puts us here to suffer with no way out or for no reason at all. So if you do believe in an after life too. Strengthen your soul in this life through prayer, magic practice, by living in a healthy way and let your death happen naturally and hope that in the next life, the work you put in this one will shine through and you will get joy that resolves the scars left by this one and more.
I for one, believe that a droplet of soul growth a day can accumulate an ocean in time and that life goes on, no matter what, do your best so your life goes on better, with purpose and future and hope. Accumulate, accumulate, accumulate, for your soul and miracles will happen. For we all have hopes and dreams and wishes and sometimes we fall into the depths of despair because we see no way we could achieve that dream, ever. But life is a miracle itself and miracles have happened before and they don't happen in a day either. Have patience and do good to yourself, your miracles will come too and when it does, all that happened before will be like a distant nightmare you woke up from and slowly but surely forget.
Miracles happen to those who wait and to those who do their best even when it is hopeless, to achieve them and when they do, your hopelessness is lifted and all that is left is deep joy and hope. You won't be alone and work miracles by yourself with no help at all as despair makes you believe, you will get help, if not from men, then from God, but you will get help. What you need to do is resist, persist, endure and go on, the miracles will come and they will be worth far more than giving in to despair and attempting to end your journey prematurely.
Trust the nature of your body and soul and it's will to survive no matter what, honed over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, there is deep wisdom in that.
When you have money in your wallet, do you burn it down because it isn't enough to get you through the month, or buy you that one thing you want deeply but know you can never have? No, you hold on to it even more. So too, hold onto your life.
Encouraging talk worth reading.I was close to death once. It was... a horrifying experience, to say this for sure. From what happened to me. I would say, this much, the spirit clearly suffers, a lot, as for the suffering and how much and how long it lasts... I don't know, I did not die as you can see.
But I will say this much, it got colder and colder and colder and it did not end...for me and it felt... horrible. My advice, don't advise anyone for it. It is easier and more pleasant to work to improve your life, than end it, I say it from experience.
If death is so much suffering, the suicide, which is basically willed death, is beyond suffering, for it hurts far less when you get hurt by accident, than when you do it yourself, look in your life, you will recognize this.
As for what happens to the soul. My honest assumption, is that the soul will fight until the end, until the part of you that wants to die is either removed or subdued, usually subdued.
As for me, I was dying and resgined to let myself die and my mind subdued me with great terrors and put me in a half living half dreaming state that felt real and was full of terror and pain until I got my ass to fight for it, not against it.
I learned my lesson. My suggestion, work on your life, it is easier than suicide, work on your mental health and seek some spirituality that gets you closer to God, for I tell you, to those that want to attempt this, God loves you, even ugly, even infirm, even as you are, God still loves you and God is not your tormentor, I know it is hard to believe, even I did not believe it back then.
Don't fight against yourself a losing battle that only prolongs your suffering, instead fight with yourself for you to get out of the suffering that got you there in the first place.
Most approach suicide and think it is the easy way out and make it sound so. In my experience, it isn't. I was in deep pain and wanted to die, but the terror was so great I myself was put in a state of fighting until the end no matter what.
The soul is not independent from the body in my opnion, at least not until death. If something the soul depended on your entire life is suddenly cut out, by you nonetheless, immediately, you will get some serious withdrawal syndromes. It is better to let it take course naturally and slowly so your soul can bear the withdrawal better, live a good life, strengthen your soul and look forward to hope, your time to shine will come.
Maybe this life can't do you any good and you have no hope of achieving any one of your dreams here, maybe there is a next life, maybe there isn't. I can't know for sure. But what I do know is that it is easier to believe in a next life and false hope and live your current life with grace and in a healthy way, than to try to take the shortcut and realize that it is actually far, far harder.
I personally believe in an after life. I don't think God puts us here to suffer with no way out or for no reason at all. So if you do believe in an after life too. Strengthen your soul in this life through prayer, magic practice, by living in a healthy way and let your death happen naturally and hope that in the next life, the work you put in this one will shine through and you will get joy that resolves the scars left by this one and more.
I for one, believe that a droplet of soul growth a day can accumulate an ocean in time and that life goes on, no matter what, do your best so your life goes on better, with purpose and future and hope. Accumulate, accumulate, accumulate, for your soul and miracles will happen. For we all have hopes and dreams and wishes and sometimes we fall into the depths of despair because we see no way we could achieve that dream, ever. But life is a miracle itself and miracles have happened before and they don't happen in a day either. Have patience and do good to yourself, your miracles will come too and when it does, all that happened before will be like a distant nightmare you woke up from and slowly but surely forget.
Miracles happen to those who wait and to those who do their best even when it is hopeless, to achieve them and when they do, your hopelessness is lifted and all that is left is deep joy and hope. You won't be alone and work miracles by yourself with no help at all as despair makes you believe, you will get help, if not from men, then from God, but you will get help. What you need to do is resist, persist, endure and go on, the miracles will come and they will be worth far more than giving in to despair and attempting to end your journey prematurely.
Trust the nature of your body and soul and it's will to survive no matter what, honed over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, there is deep wisdom in that.
When you have money in your wallet, do you burn it down because it isn't enough to get you through the month, or buy you that one thing you want deeply but know you can never have? No, you hold on to it even more. So too, hold onto your life.
Post automatically merged:
Of course, I wrote this in general for anyone that considers it, not anyone in particular or the original poster.
I was close to death once. It was... a horrifying experience, to say this for sure. From what happened to me. I would say, this much, the spirit clearly suffers, a lot, as for the suffering and how much and how long it lasts... I don't know, I did not die as you can see.
But I will say this much, it got colder and colder and colder and it did not end...for me and it felt... horrible. My advice, don't advise anyone for it. It is easier and more pleasant to work to improve your life, than end it, I say it from experience.
If death is so much suffering, the suicide, which is basically willed death, is beyond suffering, for it hurts far less when you get hurt by accident, than when you do it yourself, look in your life, you will recognize this.
As for what happens to the soul. My honest assumption, is that the soul will fight until the end, until the part of you that wants to die is either removed or subdued, usually subdued.
As for me, I was dying and resgined to let myself die and my mind subdued me with great terrors and put me in a half living half dreaming state that felt real and was full of terror and pain until I got my ass to fight for it, not against it.
I learned my lesson. My suggestion, work on your life, it is easier than suicide, work on your mental health and seek some spirituality that gets you closer to God, for I tell you, to those that want to attempt this, God loves you, even ugly, even infirm, even as you are, God still loves you and God is not your tormentor, I know it is hard to believe, even I did not believe it back then.
Don't fight against yourself a losing battle that only prolongs your suffering, instead fight with yourself for you to get out of the suffering that got you there in the first place.
Most approach suicide and think it is the easy way out and make it sound so. In my experience, it isn't. I was in deep pain and wanted to die, but the terror was so great I myself was put in a state of fighting until the end no matter what.
The soul is not independent from the body in my opnion, at least not until death. If something the soul depended on your entire life is suddenly cut out, by you nonetheless, immediately, you will get some serious withdrawal syndromes. It is better to let it take course naturally and slowly so your soul can bear the withdrawal better, live a good life, strengthen your soul and look forward to hope, your time to shine will come.
Maybe this life can't do you any good and you have no hope of achieving any one of your dreams here, maybe there is a next life, maybe there isn't. I can't know for sure. But what I do know is that it is easier to believe in a next life and false hope and live your current life with grace and in a healthy way, than to try to take the shortcut and realize that it is actually far, far harder.
I personally believe in an after life. I don't think God puts us here to suffer with no way out or for no reason at all. So if you do believe in an after life too. Strengthen your soul in this life through prayer, magic practice, by living in a healthy way and let your death happen naturally and hope that in the next life, the work you put in this one will shine through and you will get joy that resolves the scars left by this one and more.
I for one, believe that a droplet of soul growth a day can accumulate an ocean in time and that life goes on, no matter what, do your best so your life goes on better, with purpose and future and hope. Accumulate, accumulate, accumulate, for your soul and miracles will happen. For we all have hopes and dreams and wishes and sometimes we fall into the depths of despair because we see no way we could achieve that dream, ever. But life is a miracle itself and miracles have happened before and they don't happen in a day either. Have patience and do good to yourself, your miracles will come too and when it does, all that happened before will be like a distant nightmare you woke up from and slowly but surely forget.
Miracles happen to those who wait and to those who do their best even when it is hopeless, to achieve them and when they do, your hopelessness is lifted and all that is left is deep joy and hope. You won't be alone and work miracles by yourself with no help at all as despair makes you believe, you will get help, if not from men, then from God, but you will get help. What you need to do is resist, persist, endure and go on, the miracles will come and they will be worth far more than giving in to despair and attempting to end your journey prematurely.
Trust the nature of your body and soul and it's will to survive no matter what, honed over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, there is deep wisdom in that.
When you have money in your wallet, do you burn it down because it isn't enough to get you through the month, or buy you that one thing you want deeply but know you can never have? No, you hold on to it even more. So too, hold onto your life.
Post automatically merged:
Of course, I wrote this in general for anyone that considers it, not anyone in particular or the original poster.
I know what you mean, we are fortunate. Others really have it hopeless 24/7. If I was in their stead, would I think the same as now? Knowing myself... clearly not.Encouraging talk worth reading.
But on the other hand, I have to say that there are people in the world who have no way of escaping their situation or if they have it, they still risk death.
When I had my time, to suffer. What I did was rallly my people. I keot repeating into my mind over and iver again to numb the suffering and get hope. "Not hurting anyone, not doing anything bad, we are all sharing each other's pain and pleasure!" For in that moment I felt like I was fragmenting and becoming a multitude instead of one and the feeling of danget that gave me was full terror. I jnew I had to do something, so I found a way.I know what you mean, we are fortunate. Others really have it hopeless 24/7. If I was in their stead, would I think the same as now? Knowing myself... clearly not.
But I believe that the soul learns and goes on, even from hopelessness and that it is always worth to fight with yourself for yourself, than against yourself no matter the circumstances. A house united within itself, dying or not, hopeless or not, to me id always better than a house divided within itself going through the same thing.
If a nation is dying but the people are united they can alleviate each other's suffering and have a better chance to one day get that nation back, or even a better nation.
But a nation that is dying and also fighting against itself not only lessens it's chances of ever getting the nation back or making it better, but suffers more too.
A kingdom where the king fights until the end is better than the kingdom where the king goes mad and attempts to kill his own people and we are like nations, like kingdoms, in ourselves where we rule as king.
So I do my best now to strengthen my people for the time of great trial, do my best to accumulate with the meditation practice I do that works for me and has benefits and hope that when the great trial comes, even if the nation scatters, one day it will come back and as a king, I too will come back, wiser, better with a more cooperative nation that loves me more and with a better life and future.
I am the spirit of this nation that is my body, my soul. If my people survive, I will be king again and they will glorify me for it, for the fight and everything. For I did not mention this. Before I had my death moment, I used to have constant nigtmares, sleep problems, the dreams called me Satan, I was opressed in my own dreams, chased, alone. After the death, there was great panic in my mind but when it settled, I received my glory. No more bad dreams, all was good, loved in all of them. The dream people went from calling me Satan, to calling me God and Holy spirit. And since then, I have been fine, except for the occasional rare schizo episode, but even then, I feel loved and glorified, as if my people fight with me, not against me or independently of me like before. I feel respected by my body now, unlike before and life is better, even though, my kingdom is lesser than before, in a way.
I know what you mean, we are fortunate. Others really have it hopeless 24/7. If I was in their stead, would I think the same as now? Knowing myself... clearly not.
But I believe that the soul learns and goes on, even from hopelessness and that it is always worth to fight with yourself for yourself, than against yourself no matter the circumstances. A house united within itself, dying or not, hopeless or not, to me id always better than a house divided within itself going through the same thing.
If a nation is dying but the people are united they can alleviate each other's suffering and have a better chance to one day get that nation back, or even a better nation.
But a nation that is dying and also fighting against itself not only lessens it's chances of ever getting the nation back or making it better, but suffers more too.
A kingdom where the king fights until the end is better than the kingdom where the king goes mad and attempts to kill his own people and we are like nations, like kingdoms, in ourselves where we rule as king.
So I do my best now to strengthen my people for the time of great trial, do my best to accumulate with the meditation practice I do that works for me and has benefits and hope that when the great trial comes, even if the nation scatters, one day it will come back and as a king, I too will come back, wiser, better with a more cooperative nation that loves me more and with a better life and future.
I am the spirit of this nation that is my body, my soul. If my people survive, I will be king again and they will glorify me for it, for the fight and everything. For I did not mention this. Before I had my death moment, I used to have constant nigtmares, sleep problems, the dreams called me Satan, I was opressed in my own dreams, chased, alone. After the death, there was great panic in my mind but when it settled, I received my glory. No more bad dreams, all was good, loved in all of them. The dream people went from calling me Satan, to calling me God and Holy spirit. And since then, I have been fine, except for the occasional rare schizo episode, but even then, I feel loved and glorified, as if my people fight with me, not against me or independently of me like before. I feel respected by my body now, unlike before and life is better, even though, my kingdom is lesser than before, in a way.
I am, God protected me, I received my signs. Though I was a sinner and slandered God, God protected me. I even have what I consider a divine sign on me. A mole on my right index finger that is number 91 when I point it at me and number 16 when I point it at others. This mole perplexed me for so long, but I did not think too deeply into it. One day a random lady on the street stopped me to talk something with me about religion. I was crossing the street and she stopped me specifically, as if she was waiting for me. I had 2 sandwiches bought from the store to eat at home. She stopped me, asked me if I believe in God, I said yes, but I don't understand Gos. Then she asked me if I hate God, to which I sadly replied no, rather than hate, i was more dissapointed by the world I found myself in had no more belief in God able to change it. She pointed me to read the psalms by asking me my date of birth. She did not ask for any money, did not try to recruit me in any religion, just gave me a hug, pointed me to read some specific passages in the psalms, talked good about God and asked me to forgive her if she did wrong me in a past life. She also told me God loves me, always, she was with an old woman, looked at me and was talking to the old lady that she does not believe that I said about myself to be ugly. I did not even tell her that, where did she hear it from. I did think of myself as ugly though... peculiar stuff. She also told me sabbath is on Saturday, not Sunday, for some reason.In some way, what you describe sounds as the Dark Night of the Soul or Nigredo. I think you are really lucky and protected by God for having gotten through it.
Your kingdom may be "less" but it is actually more. If you truly look at it, you will see and understand that you sacrificed the old part of you, the one with all that energy and bad dreams and so on, and you turned on a new chapter in your life. I think that your state is Citrinitas (Yellowing) as you are feeling respected by your body now and you start embracing more wisdom, aka the Solar consciousness.
Dude, people who recruit for religions are training for the task and to do their best to NOT look weird. They do a lot to look like kind and good people you can trust. The lady DID recruit you and apparently quite successfully. Surprise, love bombing by kindness, read the Bible and lo! You're a Christian!I am, God protected me, I received my signs. Though I was a sinner and slandered God, God protected me. I even have what I consider a divine sign on me. A mole on my right index finger that is number 91 when I point it at me and number 16 when I point it at others. This mole perplexed me for so long, but I did not think too deeply into it. One day a random lady on the street stopped me to talk something with me about religion. I was crossing the street and she stopped me specifically, as if she was waiting for me. I had 2 sandwiches bought from the store to eat at home. She stopped me, asked me if I believe in God, I said yes, but I don't understand Gos. Then she asked me if I hate God, to which I sadly replied no, rather than hate, i was more dissapointed by the world I found myself in had no more belief in God able to change it. She pointed me to read the psalms by asking me my date of birth. She did not ask for any money, did not try to recruit me in any religion, just gave me a hug, pointed me to read some specific passages in the psalms, talked good about God and asked me to forgive her if she did wrong me in a past life. She also told me God loves me, always, she was with an old woman, looked at me and was talking to the old lady that she does not believe that I said about myself to be ugly. I did not even tell her that, where did she hear it from. I did think of myself as ugly though... peculiar stuff. She also told me sabbath is on Saturday, not Sunday, for some reason.
Then I went home and decided to give a read. I liked the lady, she was nice, gave me a hug, asked for nothing, no weird recruitment into any religion, like the mormon stuff, specifically waited for me, cause after she talked to me, she left. I was like, is this the sign I was waiting? I curiously looked at my finger back at home, saw 91 16, searched psalm 91 16, got my answer.
I just want to say that, for some reason, I am unable to reply to your message. I have it, but I cannot send a message back.Dude, people who recruit for religions are training for the task and to do their best to NOT look weird. They do a lot to look like kind and good people you can trust. The lady DID recruit you and apparently quite successfully. Surprise, love bombing by kindness, read the Bible and lo! You're a Christian!
Consider your own post here. Do you consider it weird? No. You don't. Yet it is half preaching, trying to attract others to join your religion by showing us how real, trustworthy and awesome it is for you.
Sigh... but I'm getting away from topic at hand...
You have a point, I was too zealous in that one, noted. It wasn't really her recruiting me, but my own signs that I received and have on my flesh and many others.Dude, people who recruit for religions are training for the task and to do their best to NOT look weird. They do a lot to look like kind and good people you can trust. The lady DID recruit you and apparently quite successfully. Surprise, love bombing by kindness, read the Bible and lo! You're a Christian!
Consider your own post here. Do you consider it weird? No. You don't. Yet it is half preaching, trying to attract others to join your religion by showing us how real, trustworthy and awesome it is for you.
Sigh... but I'm getting away from topic at hand...
I am, God protected me, I received my signs. Though I was a sinner and slandered God, God protected me. I even have what I consider a divine sign on me. A mole on my right index finger that is number 91 when I point it at me and number 16 when I point it at others. This mole perplexed me for so long, but I did not think too deeply into it. One day a random lady on the street stopped me to talk something with me about religion. I was crossing the street and she stopped me specifically, as if she was waiting for me. I had 2 sandwiches bought from the store to eat at home. She stopped me, asked me if I believe in God, I said yes, but I don't understand Gos. Then she asked me if I hate God, to which I sadly replied no, rather than hate, i was more dissapointed by the world I found myself in had no more belief in God able to change it. She pointed me to read the psalms by asking me my date of birth. She did not ask for any money, did not try to recruit me in any religion, just gave me a hug, pointed me to read some specific passages in the psalms, talked good about God and asked me to forgive her if she did wrong me in a past life. She also told me God loves me, always, she was with an old woman, looked at me and was talking to the old lady that she does not believe that I said about myself to be ugly. I did not even tell her that, where did she hear it from. I did think of myself as ugly though... peculiar stuff. She also told me sabbath is on Saturday, not Sunday, for some reason.
Then I went home and decided to give a read. I liked the lady, she was nice, gave me a hug, asked for nothing, no weird recruitment into any religion, like the mormon stuff, specifically waited for me, cause after she talked to me, she left. I was like, is this the sign I was waiting? I curiously looked at my finger back at home, saw 91 16, searched psalm 91 16, got my answer.
Thay was one synchronicity and others came, all in time. The right index finger in Jewish tradition is significant for the wedding ceremony and that is where I have my sign. Now I do ponder, i don't want it to sound like a boast, my intention writing this is not to put myself above, for I was a sinner and still am in some ways, my intention writing this is to say that despite being a sinner, God came through to me and still loves me, despite rebelling, everything, so why not you. Also, I received other signs in my dreams as well, God does not like boasting to put yourself above others. I know cause I had a dream in which I had superpowers that were clearly godly and had them. At first, i boasted as a joke saying. I have the power of God and anime on my side. Then, I tried to show the one that was fighting me how I am special, don't have to do a thing and still will win against her, God did not like that and took the powers and I lost.
I interpreted it, both in the dream and reality, that God does not like boast and unearned merit, also does not like it when we put ourselves above others through divine favour. So in a way, that told me, my divine favour is not to boast, but to share and show that since I received it, in their own time, others will too. God always delivers, but it is up to us to give each other hope and help each other, espcially with those who get delivered late in their time. So I did this as hope sharing, to give grace for the grace I have received, to make a statement, that deliverence will come, not in the time we think, but in God's time. How much I was in pain back then and asked for deliverence again and again and it did not come in the time I was asking, but it came and what do I know of time, even now I use my clock all the time to wake me up and prepare for anything cause I forget.
I realize now that God loves all of us, but we are all different and we all take a different path towards God's love and stumble in different ways and different measures. There is no truly unworthy person of God's love, only a person who rejects that love or rejects to see it or has forgotten the signs it already received or is about to receive them.
I for one, left christianity, went to buddhism, then to taoism, atheism, agnostic and back again and studied a few other like it. Before I received my signs I was completely faithless, I was stuck in a limbo of agnosticism, believing in a God that doesn't care about us in the sense the bible said, a God that is there, has a purpose, does something enigmatic I was trying to understand and kept looping between and playing, basically, putting images on that enigmatic God devoid of dogma. I settled on a Mother image, cause I am a mommy boy, always was, always will be and remained with that, I rejected that image, then took it back...
I was confuse, still am in many ways. Now I don't really settle on the image that much, but on the love, Father or Mother, Creator, whatever, what matters to me is that God is loving, the love of God matters, the image, not so much. Though my religious language taught me God is a Father and man and to be honest, I don't even care anymore, God is God, God is love, Father or Mother, God is God.
I take what happened as my lesson to trust in God's love, not doubt it and think with my mind it is like the love of us humans. Back then I slandered God because I believed myself smart enough (pride) to be able to deduce God's love and apply my mortal logics. Well, I was a stupid brat, that is for sure.
I sinned and in a bad way too, yet God came through for me at my worst when there was no one there and then signs kept coming to keep me stable and hopeful. Now I have it with me, I wear it like a ring, i think of it as a ring. God is like a parent, a parent that sees all the children, guides them fearfully for their own good, we stumble, we fall, we blaspheme, we think ourselves great, but God sees us grow and loves us even when we rebel and tries to get us back on the good road.
I see now, God is not there to coddle us and give us salvation and paradise for free, but like a parent, guide us, so we walk on our own 2 legs towards paradise, stumbling our way though. For without stumbling, there is not build belief, without struggle, there is no gratitude. Who is to say God doesn't have his own responsabilities and incredible weight to bear and we just take it for granted? We are supposed to fight with our King, not against our King and be unfaithful, rebel and fight for some other cause that catches our eye, but is just smoke and mirros.
David was right in the psalms, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and it is not a matter of time when God's promise is fulfilled, but it is assured that God's promise will be fulfilled in his own time, not ours. But we all get impatient and don't believe anymore and go our own way. As you can see, I am not writing from paradise, I am still here, but I received more than just a promise, I received my salvation in soul, now I believe, not because it was written in the book and drilled in my head when little, for that annoyed me endlessly and I ended up walking away entirely from orthodoxy, but because I came and saw myself.
God did not just talk in the bible, God showed me by action that despite my failings and unfaithfulness, God remains faithful. That the love of God is superior to the love of humans and is unfailing, to stop rebelling and fight by myself a fight I can't win and to actually unite with God to the best of my ability and fight the good fight for salvation.
As I see it now, God loves all his children and tries to bring them all safely into the resting place, not just the favoured ones. As for all that revelation stuff with the apocalypse, I learned to withold my judgement, but I will say, as a christian, I left christianity because of that passage. My christianity is the passages with Jesus where he promised salvation to everyone, righteous or sinner and came for the salvation of the sinners too, not some passage where some are thrown into a lake of fire forever.
But then again, as I see it now, Christianity and all other religions are like a language the divine communicates with us. To some, it communicates in christian, to some in hindu, some in muslim, slowly gathering all of us who are scatterred to one King and one truth, one unity and one fight that is won, or rather, peace. Fight is there in disunity.
Either way, if you want to see me blaspheme against God, it is there to see, for one I did some shenangans thinking of God as male and female, rejected the male aspect and thought God is a female, revered the Mother, then did it vice versa. God is God, that is how it is, the gender is not even important. "I am that I am" as it is written in a passage of the bible. We humans do this so often, use our logic, frame of reference and try to comprehend something greater than us and stuble all the way, but as I see it, the stumble is not the problem, the problem is letting the stumble define you, not changing, not admitting your wrong and not trying on. I will probably keep on stumbling and achieving wrong conclusions my entire life, but there is one conclusion now that I can't take away anymore. That God loves us.
I was surprised why there were so many passages with praise for God. I was thinking back then that maybe the bible is a false book written to control us at, but as I see it now, the praise for God, it was genuine for I feel it in myself now and while I still disagree on some things as there are in the world, some passages from the bible like revelation, I withold my judgement and wait for God to show me, before I slander without actually knowing the ropes myself.
In Job too, Job was disagreeing with God's plan, all the time until he saw God. This is how it is when we suffer, we all do that. I just heard of God better now and was shown, but when I see God, I have a feeling even those indignations I have now will disappear, completely.
Either way, I am happy, I can believe now, it's no longer impossible because of my cynicism and endless scrutiny of everything and my inability to believe in anything because I projected the betrayals I went through everywhere around me and lost my faith in everything and everyone and while I still don't have faith in humans, for I know how their faith is, because I don't have faith in myself for I know how my faith is. But I have faith in God and because God had faith in me I am trying to have faith in humans and myself as well, slowly but surely.
I did not deal with any korean cult, never met any of them. The lady was a simple female met the street. We talked briefly, she just pointed to me to read a passage in the psalms, that was that, she did not try to scam me or recruit me into anything, didn't even give me a phone number. She just talked to me a bit, gave me some passages in the psalms to read, that was all. I was polite and listened to her, then went home, checked by curiosity, cause I had nothing better to do that day and opened the Psalm 91 to 16. Looked at my birth sign on my finger, 91 written, 16 if I turn it around. I said, i will be damned. That was that. I had no bigger random event in my life so specific like this, I could not explain it.When it comes to Job in the Bible, he was suffering I would dare say partly from God, and I say partly as, in Hebrew there was Samael / Ha-Satan who did the job. Though it doesn't necessarily coin to my take on Samael (I won't get too into detail), and I would rather stick to Ha-Satan adversarial aspect that attacked Job, by means of the Will of God for that to happen, still, we need to know that God partly had to do anything with Job's suffering and testing.
Leaving Job aside from the moment and returning to you and your situation, was the lady that you encountered a psychic, a real and good one? You see, both in my country (Romania) and more others there is some sort of strange South Korean cult, with worldwide ramifications which has been running for quite a lot of time called God the Mother. Your saying in a previous post that you considered God as female in the past and ignored / stopped worshipping the male aspect of God (the "Father") would lead me to think that you may have had an encounter or maybe more with the cult I mentioned as they are known to twist this into saying "God is Actually Female".
Real spiritual lesson here: God, the Source, the Monad, Allah etc. (whatever name fits you well) cannot and never will be defined truly by gender. In Hermeticism there is the Law of Gender and Polarity (Plus / Masculine, Minus / Feminine, Positive / Negative). God Himself is above any construction of gender and He clearly has both Female and Male energetic aspects. In Christianity, for example, we can clearly see the Male Energy / Deity aspect of God by means of the image of God in Catholicism and Orthodox Christianity alike and then Jesus, and the Female Energy / Deity aspect would be that of Holy Virgin Mary.
Having faith in God is a good and awesome thing, as it really connects you to amazing energy but... don't take this, in fact... don't take anything to an extreme as it won't lead to good outcomes in any of the circumstances.
One thing that I would do if I were you is, if I would encounter the lady of course, ask her if she has any website or name in the psychic world so as to verify anything. If answer is no or strange / unreasonable avoidance.... then my friend you got tricked. Just like you would encounter me randomly on the street for example and I would say "I am Aquosus, and I have psychic powers that I discovered over 10 years ago" yet I would not possess any proof of psychic work being successfully done (distance healing, aura cleaning (both of locations and people), a successful marriage happening by me after having read the couple's destiny or anything else).
Asking someone just for their birth data would not do anything more useful rather than let's say, find out planetary placements, Ascendant and Descendant signs along with the Native Sign and if someone goes into depth, problematic houses and the elemental balances / imbalances depending on case. For other things like aura reading, past life regressions, or anything let's say with a certainty... more in-depth... one correct psychic and occultist would really need more than a birth data, rest are huge scams.
I did not deal with any korean cult, never met any of them. The lady was a simple female met the street. We talked briefly, she just pointed to me to read a passage in the psalms, that was that, she did not try to scam me or recruit me into anything, didn't even give me a phone number. She just talked to me a bit, gave me some passages in the psalms to read, that was all. I was polite and listened to her, then went home, checked by curiosity, cause I had nothing better to do that day and opened the Psalm 91 to 16. Looked at my birth sign on my finger, 91 written, 16 if I turn it around. I said, i will be damned. That was that. I had no bigger random event in my life so specific like this, I could not explain it.
The rest was me searching stuff and coming up with on my own schizoing things. I mean, the coincidences were bafflng me. I took them as signs, because the concidences were too low and oddly specific to my case. But there is always the possibility I might read too much into things because of schizophrenia. If there is anyone that doesn't trust himself the most, that is me. But as of now, i found no way to refute it, so I will let the joy take it's course and be happy, God has noticed me.
I liked to look at this weird mole shaped like a number and just think of it as some body curiosity for me, but it seems it was far more.
Yeah, I stopped thinking of God in terms of gender, as I said, God is God. That mother stuff was just me experimenting and going through thoughts by myself.
Also, small world, but I am from Romania as well
I have actually been approached by 2 Koreans, 2 weird guys, one introduced himself as Kim (don't they have more names over thereSouth Korean cult thing